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Steps for Handling Holiday Depression or the Blues
Greetings to everyone.
This is the Holiday Season and a time for renewal in all areas of life. I wish everyone a blessed Holiday Season! During my many years as a therapist, I have been acutely aware that this time of year is, for many, a very difficult time. Many say to me that they cannot wait for the Holiday Season to be over! Others find ways to take great joy in the celebrations.
"Holiday depression" or "Holiday Blues" is a real condition for a significant number of people in our population. The reasons are many, and fortunately there are some real steps that can be taken to take care of it.
If you are feeling down or sad, you are not alone. If you put forth the energy to do some things that I suggest here, I guarantee you will feel better, perhaps significantly better. That is my wish for you. Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah and Happy New Year to all!
Holiday Depression
For many, this time of year brings on what is labeled as "Holiday Blues" or "Holiday Depression". All around us are beautiful decorations, Christmas music and lots of cheer.
"Tis the season to be jolly" or is it?
The conflict is that the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time, filled with family, good feelings for the future and a feeling of optimism for the future but for many they are not. With movies like " White Christmas", "Miracle on 34th Street", and "A Christmas Story" we see beautiful stories of holiday cheer and good will beamed into our homes. Many times these trigger memories of our childhoods which may be good or not. The problem for many is a greater feeling of sadness and and depression.
Holiday depression is a real experience and affects a significant number of people. The symptoms are varied and can be brought on by stress, overdoing, fatigue and tension brought on by the events of the season. This is especially true for events such as a recent loss of a loved one or friend, the anniversary of a death, a recent divorce, the children spending their Holiday with the other parent, loss of a job or having a major illness in oneself or the family.
Such songs as "I'll be home for Christmas'" or "I'll have a Blue Christmas without you" are filled with sadness for not being able to be with one's family during the Holidays. Missing one's family during the Holidays is especially sad. More so, having to spend time with family with whom we have poor relationships, can bring on stress and tension too.
When we feel depressed or sad, the tendency is to isolate and avoid others. We feels somehow left out and that there is something wrong with us because we have these feelings. What you need to know is that millions of Americans every year feel exactly the way you are feeling. These are the same people who you see around you with huge smiles on their faces in public or the ones who seem to have wonderful Norman Rockwell families. Many times it is not what it seems at all.
- There is always the temptation to compare this Holiday which is not going well with others in the past when things were so much better. This does not help us feel better, it only increases the feeling of sadness. So, work hard not to do that now.
- If you have suffered the loss of a loved one in recent months or the loss of a relationship, allow yourself to grieve. This is most important for your well being in the long run. Holidays are filled with remembrances of things past. This is a very difficult time for those memories. Do your best to stay in the moment and to work through your feelings.
- Practice being in the moment with the smallest of positive things and occurrences...someone's smile or greeting, reaching out in a compassionate way to someone in your life who is needy, or any other positive occurrence in your life. Each time it happens, if you are so inclined, write it down. Add do the list daily. When you open your awareness, there is much to note in our lives that is positive and life affirming.
- If you have to spend Holiday time with family you do not get alone with you can do the following. Take it on as a challenge. Find one thing about the family member that is good and focus only on that thing. Go to the gathering as a reporter, and just observe others as if you were writing a story. That keeps you from getting pulled into the negativity of the situation. Make a concerted effort to focus on creating within yourself the best new attitude ever. Or...if you are not up to that, make efforts to avoid the problem person.
- Keep your activities and expectations realistic. Many get into a bad place because they expect the Holiday gathering to be perfect like a postcard or movie, and it just ain't so! As you pace yourself, make sure you take nurturing care of yourself by not overeating too much rich food and not drinking too much alcohol.
- Exercise. You can review my last newsletter to see the great value exercise has in managing stress and dealing with depression. This is definitely a good coping mode during the Holidays too with all the cookies and holiday food around. Exercise clears the mind and allows those wonderful endorphins to fill our system with good feelings.
- Give to others! Become involved in a local charity or outreach program. You could go to Make a Wish foundation, The Salvation Army, The Red Cross or help out in a soup kitchen or Holiday dinner program like Hosea's Feed the Hungry Foundation. You can also check Christmas with Love.com for more extensive lists of organizations for giving back. Helping others will help you feel better about yourself and your outlook on life. Years ago I had the opportunity to see Dr. Hans Selye speak. He is the father of stress having done the initial scientific research on the effect of stress on our bodies and mind. His message was that altruism is a definite way to be healthy and to combat the damages stress does to our bodies and mind.
- If you are feeling very overwhelmed, seek professional counseling. There is always a way to deal with it. Counseling can help you clarify and work through your personal issues surrounding this particular kind of depression.
NEXT ISSUE: New Year's Resolutions
