Assertiveness Works!
Confront the Stressor
In general, most people feel uncomfortable when they think about confronting another person. Primarily, this is because of the way we think about the situation and the lack of tools in doing so.
Here are some specific ways to confront another person:
Describe the Situation. If you do have several concerns, focus on one and let the others wait for another time. With one issue rather than several, there is less likelihood that the other person will become defensive. It is helpful to explain to the other person how the situation is creating stress for you, then the other party will be more able to understand things from your perspective. Remember, each person perceives the situation from his or her own standpoint. Once you can stand in another person's shoes, it is much easier to resolve the situation.
Express Your Feelings. Once you know how you feel, begin your statement with "I feel ......... ' When you start out with an "I" statement, you minimize the chances that the other person will become defensive and not hear what you have to say. When you begin with "I", you are describing how you feel in a situation and you are assuming your responsibility for those feelings. There is no blame inherent in this statement. When you begin with "You" ......... , the other person feels blamed, will be more defensive, and the communication will not go as well.
Ask for What You Need. So many people fail to do this. This is done by making a suggestion as to how the situation can be changed. If you don't ask for what you want to be different, how can you expect anyone to make a change?
Reinforce the Other Person. This is a very important part of the process. This is done by simply saying, "Thanks for your consideration," or "I appreciate your listening to me," or other positive statements that reinforce the other person.
