Types of Self-Talk

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Negativizing . Filtering out positive aspects of a situation, while focusing only on negatives.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "This job is nothing but one headache after another."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "This job has many negative things about it, but then it has some positive ones, too. Like most things, it is a mixture of good and bad."

Awfulizing: Turning a difficult or unsatisfactory situation into something awful, terrible, and intolerable.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "Drivers in this town are worst this side of the Rockies. I can't stand it!"

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "Many drivers around here make bad judgments and sometimes even bad mistakes. However, like me, they are fallible human beings who sometimes make mistakes—a circumstance hardly worth getting very upset about."

Catastrophizing. Expecting that the worst almost certainly will happen.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "I absolutely know that if my husband goes through with his plans to fly to New York, his plane will crash."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I wish my husband didn't have to fly to New York, but the chances of anything happening to him are so remote that it is hardly worth worrying about.'

Over-Generalizing. Generalizing from a single event or piece of information to all or most things.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: After a salesman's failure to sell a product to a prospective client: 'This again shows that I am totally inept in relating to people."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "What can I learn from this situation to continue to improve my effectiveness as a salesman?"

Minimizing. Diminishing the value or importance of something to less than it actually is.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: Self-deprecating professor after having his article accepted for publication by a professional journal: It was accepted, but it is certainly not the quality of writing I expected to be turning out at this point in my career."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: The article may not be the greatest contribution I've ever made, but it is something I can be satisfied with for now."

Blaming. Attributing responsibility for events, especially negative ones, to someone else, even when such responsibility rightfully belongs to self.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "lf only my mother had been more loving, then I could have been happy."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "It would have been nice if my mother had loved me more. However, I am now responsible for my own happiness or unhappiness."

Perfectionism. Impossibly demanding standards of self, others, or both in many situations.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "0ther drivers should obey all traffic laws and always should drive according to the standards of common courtesy I believe in."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "It would be desirable if other drivers obeyed all traffic laws and followed standards of common courtesy. However, many don't and won't—a fact of life hardly worth getting very upset about."

Musterbation . The demand that events must turn out as I want them to—otherwise, it inevitably will be very upsetting to me.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "I must have constant approval and acceptance if life is to be worthwhile and if I am to be happy."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "It would be nice to be approved and accepted most of the time. However, my happiness does not depend on it".

Personalizing. Believing that others' behaviors or feelings are entirely caused by self.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk:" I know he is depressed because of what I implied in my remarks yesterday."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I will handle situations like yesterday better in the future. However, his depression may or may not be related to what I said. In any case, if he chooses to be depressed, that is his problem, not mine."

Judging Human Worth . Evaluating total worth of self or others on the basis of traits or behavior.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "I really muffed that situation yesterday. How terrible of me! This proves again what a rotten person I am."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I didn't handle that situation yesterday very well. What can I learn from it so I can do better next time?"

Control Fallacy. The belief that happiness depends on cajoling or coercing others to do what I think they should.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "There is no way I can enjoy my work unless I can get my employees to work as hard and effectively as I believe they should."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I will continue to strive to upgrade the work of my employees. Meanwhile, I refuse to let my job satisfaction depend on them."

Polarized Thinking. Things are black or white, right or wrong, good or bad. There is no middle ground.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "Either I do perfectly on this test or I'm a failure."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I will do my best on this test—and then be satisfied with my performance this time around."

Being Right. Being continually on trial to prove that own opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable. Therefore, going to any length to demonstrate rightness.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "I must be certain they know I know what I'm talking about."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I have no need here to prove myself, because my self-worth does not depend on what others think of me."

Fallacy of Fairness. Feeling resentful because the world does not conform to my sense of what is fair.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "It is just not fair that those questions were on that exam. I have every reason to be upset."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I don't agree that those questions should have been on the exam. However, they were—sometimes I cannot change and need not get upset about it."

Shoulding . Constant imposition of should's and should have's on self, others, or both.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: "I should have said that differently. I should never have behaved like that."

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "I would like to have handled that situation more effectively. Next time, I will do it differently."

Magnifying. Making more of an event than it actually is.

Example of Distorted Self-Talk: 'This low grade is the worst thing that ever happened to me. It's horrible! What a rotten person I am!"

Example of Rational Self-Talk: "How unfortunate that I didn't do well on this test. I generally blew it. Yet, it is not the end of the world. Next time, I will certainly study harder."